Revision of Ghazal

I revised my 'ghazal' to bring it closer to the correct form. The words of the second line of each couplet, which the repeated ending phrase, should actually rhyme down the length of the poem. I have rearranged and revised the couplets so that they alternate words with -ing and "t" sounding endings, to give the sense of an alternating rhyme at least. I also borrowed a 'piece' of my last name for the feature of ghazals where your own name is included in the final couplet (using 'isle' of Delisle). Still not as true to a ghazal as I'd like, but an effort toward the difficult form.

 Ghazal for Rain

The hint of graying skies some disdain;

they shun the advancing sheet of rain.

I would linger slowly in the lane

to smell the acrid air advanced by rain.

Dominant the flood spreads its domain

over shingled walls rippling with rain.

Harkening to storm - the horses' manes,

bodies quiver, shimmer, streaked with rain.

Slow, stolid, blue and gray a heron

perches unperturbed by sizzling rain.

The wretched wind reels and twists the vane,

flies south west north east to meet the rain.

Rending foundations sandbagged in vain,

churning earth to splashing mud, this rain.

Hail riddles the roof drums a refrain

shivering windows shed tears of rain.

Soft, the breath of earth, mist, marks the wane

rises to herald the ending rain.

I would linger longer where I've strayed,

ashore on this isle awash with rain.